This week has been crazy, sorry about the skipped posts. I still need to figure out how to work and blog and socialize all in one night. Tonight I plan on cleaning up my room. If I don’t post tomorrow, it means I’m lost in the mess. So send help! (but I do plan to post, and make it out of there alive!)
Oh! Are you guys ready for Christmas yet? Ben and I are… take a look!
Today I had a doctor’s appointment. The appointment was to discuss my results of my blood test and my ultrasound, and to plan the next step. If you recall, my doctor said I was a medical mystery. The ultrasound came back clear, which was a huge surprise to me considering the last time we had talked she said she definitely felt something. My blood test came back normal too, except for a little bleep. That bleep was my vitamin D level. The average person’s vitamin D level is around 75. My vitamin D level at the time of my blood work (September) was 16. Needless to say, I’m a bit on the low side. Well it turns out vitamin D is pretty important. My doctor informed me that things needed to drastically change; that things were at a do or die point, emphasis on the “die”. I need to be taking 8000 international units of vitamin D for the next several months. I found out Vitamin D comes in 1000iu tablets, so when you buy a bottle and immediately down 8 pills in the middle of the mall food court you are bound to get some odd looks. Anyhow I now have the vitamin in me, so I’m on the mends. Glad I survived today, check back in and see if I’m still alive tomorrow too!
Apples are, for the most part, red. That statement is widely agreed upon. In truth apples are only 5% red, and 95% white. It is their outer appearance that people use to define it. Unfortunately in our world we don’t only do this with apples we also do it with people. This allows people to be fake and hurting people to go unnoticed. On the outside I seem happy and why wouldn’t I be? I have a great job that was pretty much handed to me. I have a great boyfriend who seems to be perfect for me, and I have a great family who although they annoy me to death sometimes they are always with me and always love me. Although I have great things going on and great people who love me, I am somehow 95% angry. I’m not just angry sometimes; I’m angry all the time, 24/7. I hide it behind my 5% of happiness in the form of jokes and smiles. When people ask how I’m doing I say “good”. What I truly mean is that I’m “good” at lying, and you just can’t see my true feelings. My close family knows how I am angry inside. They have seen it surfaced time and time again. I have even lost a few loved ones over it. I don’t like that I’m an angry person. I wish I could let it go, but I’m never sure of what it is I’m angry about. Today in church I got yelled at. It wasn’t really “yelling”, more so raised whispering. But it was enough to enrage me. Silly, I know. I sat in my seat fuming. The person who did it tried to apologize but I was set on holding onto that anger, so I wasn’t listening to him. That wasn’t fair to him and was pretty selfish of me. I sat there for about 15 minutes until I got a tap on my shoulder from God telling me I needed to let it go. So I let go of my grudge towards my friend, but not the anger. Instead I shifted my anger from him to God. I was angry that I was angry and angry at God for it. My anger is like thick fog. It engulfs me and blinds my vision. I can’t see past it nor can I seem to escape it. I feel trapped by it. I started to cry outwardly, but inwardly I was screaming at God. I wanted to know why I’m like this. What is it that makes me so angry? As I was sitting there seething I got another tap. Again God was saying something I really didn’t want to hear. He seemed to be saying it was my past. For those that know me they know I am fatherless. My father left when I was three. I hate blaming my issues on that, it too easy and hard all at once. It’s easy in the sense that I don’t have to do anything; I’m not responsible for it. It’s hard in the sense that I feel like I can’t do anything. Earlier this year I learned what it meant to forgive my father, and have done so. I wish him no harm and would now just like to forget him. So if all this built up anger isn’t the anger I have for my father then what is it? I asked God this. The answer I got was just because I forgave him doesn’t mean I wasn’t hurt by him. My anger is a result of his actions. Being left in that way hurt me subconsciously, and deeply. Again at this I got angry. I’ve done my part; I forgave my father, that wasn’t easy! I don’t deserve to suffer from it anymore. I shouldn’t be plagued with consequences of the sins I didn’t commit. But the truth of life is that consequences are not tied down to the person who evokes them. At the end of the day I have this anger, and I need to find a way to quench it. Jesus says “I am the way, the truth, and the life”. As the second set of worship began I sat there with the whisper of God in my head “I’m going to change you. It’s a process so be patient and trust me. When I tell you to do something, do it”. So that’s what I’m going to do. Slowly this flame is going to go out.
You know those types of day that make you question your sanity? I’m having one of those. I woke up knowing exactly what I wanted to wear. A black dress, cute grey wedges and a custom one of a kind self-made necklace. Why so fancy on a Saturday? Well tonight is Ben’s work party. According to him all the other girls are wearing dresses. So I figured I probably should too. What I planned was perfect, not too fancy just trendy. I even painted my nails silver last night to match the necklace. Well I guess today didn’t get the memo of what yesterday had planned for it. When I woke up I spent an hour in vain searching for the dress. I think I left it in Ottawa back in the summer. It’s infuriating when you can’t find things you know you had, but like I said, this is the type of day that will test my sanity. So while I’m frantically digging through heaps of clothing grumbling under my breath I am stopped by a blessing. I found a $10 bill in one of my pockets. It’s uplifting when you find money you never knew you had; it is immediate cause for a smile. My attitude went from frustrated to elated in a matter of seconds. With my happy mood I was able to accept my dress less status and move on to the next best thing, a skirt. As I adapted my clothing plans to accommodate my new item I realised I needed to repaint my nails. I’m not a girly-girl, so painting my nails isn’t something I enjoy. There is always one nail that doesn’t seem to dry as fast as the others, and gets smudged. Today my ring finger kept getting smudged; I must have redone it 5 times! In the midst of my annoyance, a few of my family members came over. They are truly nice people, and they do a lot for my grandfather. I really do like all of my family. I find, however, I am one of those people destined to live far far away from all of them. So with my nails smudging and the constant flow of people walking around me I was ready to scream. I knew I needed a faster way to dry my nails, as I still had tons to do before Ben arrives. So I Googled, as any good geek would. On many sites they mentioned how dipping your wet nails into ice water would speed up the drying process. I was intrigued. Using water to dry something had the curious cat in me pouncing. So I got a bowl and some ice and tried it out. For single layered nail paint it works okay. I however had 3 layers, so with me it didn’t work. The result was wet and cold fingers. Have you read my post Pet Peeve #004? If you did you may have noticed it revealed my #1 pet peeve as well, being cold. With my curiosity quenched my mood turned to…dare I say…cranky? As I’m sitting there reapplying my nail polish yet again, I realize that my family had disappeared. Once I was done my final nail there was a knock at the door. Me being alone meant that it was my responsibility to respond with “whose there”. When I went to check it turns out to be a family member. “You’ve got to be kidding me! Uggh leave me alone”, may or may not have been whispered under my breath. As I opened the door for them I was greeted with a present. It turns out they went to the sub shop and brought me back my favourite sandwich. Again I found myself getting whiplash from how fast my mood changed. So now here I am, my nails done, my belly full and my mood sitting at content… wait spoke too soon someone just walked over my nice clean floors with their dirty nasty boots! Ahhhh!! 1-2-3 what the heck is bothering me?! 3-2-1 is crazy Saturday done??
Anyone keeping track, I went from
- content to frantic to happy to annoyed to rageful to curious to excited to disappointed to cranky and back to content… and now with the wet floor incident and the prospect of me having to rewash the floors I can feel my blood boiling. By the way ALL this happened with in 3 hours. Fun eh?!
I have a lot of things on my mind recently. There is Ben’s gifts, my family’s gifts, my friend’s gifts. I also am paid to think from 9 am to 5 pm everyday. I also have been plagued with a series of panic attacks that appear to have no origin, despite how much I search my mind looking for one. So with my mind constantly going it was only a matter of time before my brain called it quits. Well it happened. My mind is as blank as… see I can’t even think of a good analogy. While I try to fix my brain please enjoy this picture…. try and guess what this is! 
Okay so today after work I came home and went to get one of the chocolate bars my grandfather bought. I found them in the fridge. This angers me because I find cold chocolate bars aren’t the same as room temperature. A cold chocolate bar is hard, not chewy. It also is not as flavorful as a regular temperature one. When you bite into it a bunch of chunks fall off. It is like eating a chocolate rock, without the chocolate flavor. Yes, cold chocolate bars are a big pet peeve of mine.
For those wondering what my first 3 pet peeves are:
001 – Being cold.
002 – Being hungry.
003 – Hugs.
Today is a day to appreciate the liberty bought with the lives of millions, and to remember those who sacrificed it all for us. There were poppies adorn by millions around the world. Bagpipes and horns echoed throughout the 11th hour. It was on the 11th day of the 11th month, at the 11th hour back in 1918 that the ceasefire went into effect ending the First World War. The smoke cleared, the guns were silenced; everyone headed home. Parades were held, medals were handed out, and boys were called National heroes. Behind the smiles of the soldiers were hidden horrors. These men saw and did things that were at times inhuman, all in the name of freedom. Their nightmares were the cost of our dreams for the future. Nearly 100 years later war has come back. In a land not too far from ours, boys are again becoming men all too soon. They fight to save the lives of us back home. When Pearl Harbour was hit in WWII the Western people demanded that their governments go to war. Now even after September 11, 2001, the vast majority of the Western people don’t agree with or support the war. We have sadly become ignorant to what very soon could be on our door step. There are those who wear poppies on this day, but during the other 364 days of the year they scoff at those “foolish” enough to believe in and support the war out in the Middle East. Their hypocrisy is unbelievable. Whether you agree with what is being fought over or not, the fight still wages on, and the results are real. There are over 100,000 graves dug and filled by this war. It is time to stop ignoring what is going on over there. What better day to remember and acknowledge what has been and is being done than today?
(Okay so my WordPress isn’t letting me upload photos. I’ll try again tomorrow).
Okay so it is November, meaning December comes next. That is generally how it goes, and so far in my life I’ve been okay with it. This year however is very different. Yes December does still come after November and no I’m not planning to protest that, but this time around December has a different meaning. All previous Decembers have been filled with exam woes and holiday fun. This year December is the month of Ben. I have affectionately called it “Christmanniverthday Month”. In the month of December we have our 1 year dating anniversary (on the 3rd), Ben’s birthday is also in this month (on the 20th), and then of course we have Christmas. I don’t have to buy him 3 gifts, but my theory is if our anniversary or his birthday were any other days buying him something wouldn’t even be in question. So I am going to buy him 3 gifts; 3 amazingly awesome gifts! My only issue is that I have no idea what to get him! I want them to be good, I want them to be personal gifts (i.e. something he would like, not just the generic male gifts), I want them to be in our price range so he doesn’t get freak out. I know it’s not December yet, but it might as well be! I’m freaking out, any ideas? I wonder if he’d want a Christmas tree in a can?
On top of everything I need to find a way to make this into tomorrow's lunch.
So yesterday I went on an errand run. I had attempted to get beads from a local store, but that fell through. Fortunately I was able to find some beads at Wal-Mart. Here are my first two necklaces. I could totally see myself getting addicted to this, its a lot of fun.
Pretty in pink!
My first one ever! 
Today I had a lot of errands to run. In the midst of all my running around I was able to sneak a walk down Ottawa Street in Hamilton. Ottawa St. is known internationally for its fabric shops, antique stores, and wedding boutiques. It is kind of like the Portobello Road of Hamilton. (“Portobello Road, Portobello Road. Anything and everything a chap can unload, is sold off the banks on Portobello Road” – Disney’s Bedknobs & Broomsticks). I ventured down the street not for drapes or gowns or ceramic clowns, no I searched for something more unique. There was a bead shop on Ottawa St. a few years back. It was one of a kind, and I loved it. I really want to start making my own jewellery since now-a-days it’s so over-priced. So off I went in search for my beloved bead store. I knew it was close to Barton St. but was not exactly positive on its whereabouts. I walked the entirety of Ottawa St. and just couldn’t find it. Finally I went into an antiques shop and asked if they had any idea where it was. I was then told very sad news; my shop had moved to Stoney Creek, and was now only wholesale. Defeated I left the store and began my walk back to Main St. to continue on with my errands. On my way back I decided to try and make the best of my failed trip to Ottawa St. I went into a few stores and browsed for treasures. I didn’t want to be long as I was still on a tight schedule. The last store I went into was an “Antiques and Curiosity” store. In there I found my treasure. It is a Christmas tree in a can, and it only cost $5.00. I bought it without hesitation. I left Ottawa Street, treasure in tow and continued merrily on my day of errands.
